To New Beginnings

For those of you who endured the excruciating literary torture that was my last, much older blog, I extend my sincerest apologies for the diabolical writing style that featured. The Whistling Kettle came to a sad end last year, and although it is a comfort to think of the sheltered, innocent life of a GCSE student, I must accept that I am now a member of a much darker, sinister class of student.

The A-Level student is a curious species. Not unlike the Upper East Side girls, we live, go to school, play, and sleep- sometimes with each other. Curious to discover the various other opinions on the Sixth Form student, I consulted the Urban Dictionary. It regurgitated the following: "A machine that turns coffee into essays, charts, and various equations."

I cannot help but notice that the key term in this definition is "coffee". The truth in this is inexplicable. I do not recall the first day I began drinking coffee, but on the other hand, I can barely remember life without it. In fact, I often feel that there is far too much blood in my caffeine system. After finding this linked so humorously to the A-Level student, I searched for the definition of coffee.

The results were side-splitting.

COFFEE: "some people drink it because they think they look cool walking into class with a big ass cup off caribou coffee talking about how they need to wake up yet its 40% cream 40% sugar and 20% coffee"

COFFEE: "It is the lifeblood of nerds, and the drink that keeps America's workforce complacent on their journey to work."

COFFEE: "The master of many slaves that make up the working class."

In naming my blog, the only obvious choice, moving on from the kettle, was to associate it with a hot beverage. My mind, of course, turned only to coffee; my loyalty never wavering,  I searched for the appropriate synonym. I bounced from the questionable "forty weight", to the seductive "hot stuff", to the masculine lover "Joe", before coming to the realisation that, essentially, coffee is the fuel, the battery, that keeps me running.

My choice was clear.

Stay tuned, dear readers, for although I may bullshit my way endlessly through ridiculous rants and anecdotes, I entertain myself at least. Perhaps one of these posts may strike your interest and I will have you hooked; not unlike caffeine, you may say.