When the Aliens Come

When the aliens come, they will snatch up the bankers,

The lawyers, attorneys in three-piece-suit languors,

They’ll prod them and probe them for more information,

And then, those aliens will come back for the nation.

They’ll snap up the babies in buggies and prams,

And the kids who sell tabloids at newspaper stands,

And once they’ve devoured their fill of the gossip,

They’ll  come back and steal the ones who have lost it.

They’ll take all the people who’s minds have all melted,

The loons and the crazies getting high off their felt-tips,

The ones whose lips trail long strings of drool,

Who foam at the mouth and giggle like fools.

They’ll abduct all the teachers who’re sick of their jobs,

The chavs and the townies and back-alley yobs.

They’ll sneak in through the chimney on good Christmas eve,

Take all of your presents and Christmas-tree leaves,

They’ll take all your toys and your books and your dog,

They’ll steal your parents and sneak out through the fog.

And finally, they will take everyone famous,

Authors and actors from the great to the shameless,

Stars born in poverty who then made it to millions,

Who walked down the red carpet dressed in vermillion,

They’ll take the whole country and squeeze onto their spaceship,

Take off through the galaxy with the sound of a whip.

And once they are gone, you’ll be left on this planet,

With nothing but memories and a spare tennis racket.

For a century you’ll wander around like a shrew,

And silently wonder why they didn’t take YOU.